We might have come across this picture a lot of times throughout our lives, whether it is on psychological test or just through a corny e-mail spam. For those of you who has never seen this picture before, here is a quick guide. The interpretation of this picture shall begin with the question: "What do you see in this picture?" Spend a moment to think of the possible answer(s). Yes, "answers," the plural form. There are two correct answers to this question: (1) a young woman or (2) an old lady. This picture challenges our ability to see this very picture from different points of view. Our perception of something.
So, what is this leading us to?
I've been having some debates inside my head recently as the result of the urgency of post-graduation real-life plans that I haven't quite figured out (..well, graduation is only less than two months from now). I have been thinking about how different my thinking mechanisms from they were, let's say two years ago. Yes, optimists might choose to call it 'maturity', but the reality doesn't quite point to that positive direction. I used to be a very confident and positive person in the old days, but now, I've been having identity crisis all the time, and always been intimidated by my overachieving peers (or to be more precise, my thoughts of having overachieving peers). It did happen that I was pretty lucky to get the opportunity to one of the top 15 universities in the world. However, I don't think I was that ready to face the possible realities that awaited me. My sense of insecurity has been on its peak since the first day I got here. I had been so accustomed to being superior to my peers on at least one aspect for almost my entire life and the new situation didn't exactly illustrate that particular situation. I was a new transfer student, and most students of my class have already have their cliques. I would have to be proactive to find my place among them, but of course, I expected people to see my superiority and approach me first. No surprise, it was a BIG FAIL. People don't have time to do such thing. They keep moving forward, in a fast, fast pace. I was stumbling, and trying to catch up with them, but my thoughts wouldn't let me. The persistent thoughts of living in an environment where people are so much more superior than me always got in a way.
Being aware that the people in my circle have jobs lining up a year before they graduate with salaries ranging around $70K has absolutely put pressure on me. I grew up never aiming for high salary but instead a job that I would love. Though, my ego tells me to prove (I don't even know anymore to whom I'm trying to prove myself to) that I can get to the same level as the $70K workers.
Everything was so overwhelming. And I literally meant everything. But I have other option that I could have looked up to. First of all, I know some people who graduated last year who still haven't got a job. And it is not the end of the world. I should still set targets for myself, however I need to learn how to realize my own unique capabilities to and stop comparing myself to others.
Also, fresh convo that I had yesterday with a friend (or..*cough*crush*cough*) reminds me on how the absence of resilient perception has failed the idealism of many of our people who came back to our country after the long journey of academic exploration and idealism-nurturing experience. This leads back to our idealism discourse, the one that Bubbalub elaborates on the previous post. I, in fact, did mention my dead idealism to on my previous post. However, guess what. I think I changed my mind. I would like to revisit the definition of "idealism" again. I have been living up to my idealist self and I don't think I like the idea of living without it. But before, thanks to my nationalism&colonialism anthropology class, wherein most of the time I didn't really know what my classmates were talking about, but at least it gives me the idea of revisiting the definition of "idealism." The Oxford-American dictionary defines idealism as the practice of forming or pursuing ideals, especially unrealistically. And further, it gives the suggestion to compare this idea with the definition of "realism," an idea that resides on the other end of the spectrum. "Realism" is defined as the attitude or practice of accepting a situation as it is and being prepared to deal with it accordingly. Okay one more, on the "pursuing ideals" part of idealism: "Ideal" is defined as "a standard of perception" or "a principle to be aimed at." In the case where I thought my idealism had died, I was fully aware that I was still holding on tightly to my life principles, and never decided to give them up, although I quit thinking about the extreme plans that I had to pursue my life goal. The "unrealistically" part might have died along with that thought, but what is realistic and unrealistic anyway? Who would have guessed that learning about "Holocaust" only requires a minute today? Yes, I'm talking about Wikipedia. And I'm talking about comparing to the tedious research that our parents had to go through to find some information about certain things. It seemed unrealistic back in the day, but guess what, it is beyond realistic for us today. I might not aim to go to the extreme, seemingly-unrealistic ways to approach my dream anymore. But of course, I still look forward to my dreams and I think my idealism persists in its other manifestation. I'm sure Bubbalub thinks the same too. Yes, she might think that her job that involves editing documents for those rich people would be the last option that she might have chosen to undertake. But truth is, her dream never fades, and I know it. She has to deal with the unfavorables at some points, don't we all have to?
Coming back to my point about the dead idealism of the people who went back to our country after sometime abroad, many have failed to shift their perception back. In the so-called outside world, let's say the United States, opportunities and access are abundant. Not quite the case in our country though. What people, or I shall say we, think when we're abroad is that the things that would be easy to implement where we're here. I'm not in any position to judge their evaporated idealism since I haven't experienced the part of going back and have to face the different circumstances that surround the ways to reach the goal itself. But if there is one thing that I could pick up from other people's experiences, it is the failure to adjust the thoughts to the situation change.
I apologize that my writing style gets a little cover letter-ish on this posting. I've been spending the past week trying to sell myself to companies. Made me realize that it thins down the layer that separates me from prostitutes. Not that being a prostitute is necessarily a bad thing. Aaaaand it brings us to another new conversation, so I'm not going there this time.
xx,
Minnie
